Welcome to conversations with my six year old. This will probably be a series of posts since one entry couldn’t possibly hold all the creative/hilarious/mildly unsettling things that come out of her mouth.
6 yo – (makes a loud spewing noise) Phew, that was a big one!
Me – (blank stare) Was that a fake sneeze?
6 yo – Yeah.
Me – ?
6 yo – Look at my magic ring.
Me – That’s beautiful. Just make sure it doesn’t get left somewhere your sister might get it, otherwise it will magically disappear forever.
6 yo – (skeptical stare) Um… it doesn’t do that.
Me – I know. I’m trying to tell you that if you leave it somewhere that your sister might find it then I will have to take it away.
6 yo – (more skepticism) It is on my finger.
Me – (Blank Stare) Ok, I was just trying to be clever. It obviously didn’t work. You do understand that, like with all other small objects, if you leave it somewhere your sister might choke on it then I will take it and it will become my ring. You do understand what I am saying, right?
6 yo – It wouldn’t fit you.
Me – (pulls hair out)
6 yo – (To baby sister) Sister I’m falling in love with you. I never want to kill you.
Me – (spews coffee) Um… I’m not sure that’s really an appropriate thing to say…
6 yo – What? I said I DIDN’T want to kill her.
Me – (blank stare)
6 yo – I love coming to the park in the morning! We have the whole park to ourselves and we can be loud and not respect the space!!
Me – 😳😳😳!!!!
Update: turns out “not respecting the space” just means yelling. So that is a little comforting.
(After swimming lessons during which she was messing around treading water and going under rather than listening to the teacher)
Me – (Beginning of lecture included how we don’t pay for swimming lessons for her not to listen, etc.) … Also I don’t like it when you’re messing around in the pool. The teacher’s can’t watch you all the time while they are helping kids so it’s like you are in the deep pool without a grownup. It makes me feel scared and stressed.
6 yo – I know how you feel. I’ve been scared of stuff since i was born.
Me – (um… tiny mom heart melt/break moment) What kinds of things are you scared of?
6 yo – Oh you know, snakes… you getting staples in your tummy when they take the baby out… you dying.
Me – Hmm. You know, those things scare me too.
6 yo – I thought grownups were never scared.
Me – Nope. Grownups are scared a lot. It’s normal to feel scared. But just because you’re scared doesn’t mean you can’t be brave. I will be brave when it’s time to get the baby out of my tummy, even if I’m a little scared.
6 yo – Can I have a snack?
6 yo – Mom, sometime can we sell lemonade?
Me – like a lemonade stand? Sure! I would love that!
6 yo – yeah! And we can also sell meat and cake!
Me – ……… Yeah….. That sounds great?
6 yo – You are a good mommy. You would never hurt me or… like… put soap in my mouth or anything like that.
Me – Actually, if I found out that you were saying bad words (like we just talked about this week) to your friends or at school I would probably put soap in your mouth.
6 yo – Oh. Does it taste bad?
Me – Yes.
6 yo – Do I have to swallow it? How much do you put in?
Me – I don’t know. I guess it depends on how I’m feeling at that moment. Since you’re the oldest you’re my experiment kid. (Wink at her so she knows I am teasing a little bit but she still takes it very seriously.)
6 yo – Oh. Well, I wouldn’t say those words anyway. And if I was at school and one of my friends was saying them, I would tell her that I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore.
Me – Hmm. You know, I do think it’s a good idea to speak up or do something if your friend is doing something that is wrong. However, I’m not sure that telling people you won’t be their friend anymore is really the best thing to do. If you stopped being friends with someone just because they made a mistake you wouldn’t have many friends. And also, being a good friend sometimes means forgiving people when they make mistakes. And maybe if it is someone who does things that you don’t like a lot, maybe you don’t want to be friends with that person, but we still don’t need to say “I’m not going to be your friend” we can just go play somewhere else, you know?
6 yo – Oh. (spends the next ten minutes naming all of her “Best Friend Forever”s. Then asks for snack.)
“You know, Alexis is a pretty good name…
…for a mom to come up with.”
6 yo – (yawns)
Grandma – Are you tired?
6 yo – no I’m just practicing. For when I have to yawn.
In the car:
Me: (to Husband) I probably need to get gas. It’s pretty low. But we can just do it after we are done at family outdoor club.
6 yo: Mom are we going to run out of gas?
Me: No. You don’t need to worry about stuff like that, ok? I’ll worry about the boring grown up stuff and you handle kid stuff. You have the rest of your life to worry about stuff like gas in the car. Although maybe by the time you’re older cars won’t even run on gas anymore.
6 yo: So they will run on song power?