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Conversations With a Six Year Old (#2)

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A little trip down memory lane, just for fun.

 

Real conversations I had with my 6 year old this week:

6 yo – These sausages taste like hot tub water.

Grandpa – Hot tub water?

6 yo – Yeah, you know. Hot tub water.

Grandpa – How do you know what hot tub water tastes like?

6 yo – (like this should be obvious) Haven’t you ever gone under water in a hot tub with your mouth open?

Grandpa – Um… NO. Have you?

6 yo – (again, as though this is obvious) Yes.


At the water park…

6 yo – I’m old enough to go down the water slides now except for the green one because it is way too fast and also it’s a tube so it’s dark in there and it’s SO dark that if the water splashes up in your face you can’t even do anything because it’s too dark to see where your face is.


Trying to explain what my external hard drive does to my six year old…

Me – So electronics only have so much space to store information, like pictures and videos. If you took a bunch of pictures on the iPad, pretty soon it would tell you that there is no more space and it wouldn’t let you take any more pictures until you moved some of them off the iPad to make more space…

6 yo – So I would just move them to the iCough.

Me – ….? To the what?

6 yo – The iCough.

Me- What is an iCough?

6 yo – That thing. (points at external hard drive)

Me – ….? Why is it called an iCough?

6 yo – I don’t know.


6 yo – Did you know that you can be bald and still have bangs?

Me – (blank stare) I guess I’m not sure how that would work.

6 yo –  You just cut off all the rest of your hair except your bangs.

Me – ?


6 yo – What is that? (Points to the box that the garden hose rolls up into)

Me – It’s the hose

6 yo – (looks for a minute) I don’t see that as a hose. I see that as a box.

Me – touché.


6 yo – (chases toddler through living room full of toys)

Me – Child. What have I told you every single day about chasing your sister inside?

6 yo – (stops) (stares at me without blinking) You know what you said.

Me – (blank stare) YES I DO AND SO DO YOU.

6 yo – Well I need SOMETHING to chase.

Me – THEN GO OUTSIDE AND CHASE BUGS.

6 yo – I’m not doing that.


(Backstory: 6 yo decided that she wanted a shower for her Barbie house more than ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. She picked one out and so I told her that I would get it for her as her “new big sister” gift for when the baby came, but that that would mean she would have to wait until September to get it. She agreed. That was a a little over a week ago.)

6 yo – (Comes up from play room) (Loud sigh) My barbies really want to take a shower.

Me – (Already seeing where this is going) You know that isn’t going to work, right?

6 yo – Yeah.

6 yo – (Long pause)

6 yo – They just really want to take a shower.

Me – (blank stare)

6 yo – I don’t know what they should do.

Me – Me neither.

6 yo – (losing patience with me) YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT MY BARBIES. THEY HAVEN’T SHOWERED IN YEARS.

 

Conversations With a 6 Year Old (#1)

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Welcome to conversations with my six year old. This will probably be a series of posts since one entry couldn’t possibly hold all the creative/hilarious/mildly unsettling things that come out of her mouth.


6 yo – (makes a loud spewing noise) Phew, that was a big one!

Me – (blank stare) Was that a fake sneeze?

6 yo – Yeah.

Me – ?


6 yo – Look at my magic ring.

Me – That’s beautiful. Just make sure it doesn’t get left somewhere your sister might get it, otherwise it will magically disappear forever.

6 yo – (skeptical stare) Um… it doesn’t do that.

Me – I know. I’m trying to tell you that if you leave it somewhere that your sister might find it then I will have to take it away.

6 yo – (more skepticism) It is on my finger.

Me – (Blank Stare) Ok, I was just trying to be clever. It obviously didn’t work. You do understand that, like with all other small objects, if you leave it somewhere your sister might choke on it then I will take it and it will become my ring. You do understand what I am saying, right?

6 yo – It wouldn’t fit you.

Me – (pulls hair out)


6 yo – (To baby sister) Sister I’m falling in love with you. I never want to kill you.

Me – (spews coffee) Um… I’m not sure that’s really an appropriate thing to say…

6 yo – What? I said I DIDN’T want to kill her.

Me – (blank stare)


6 yo – I love coming to the park in the morning! We have the whole park to ourselves and we can be loud and not respect the space!!

Me – 😳😳😳!!!!

Update: turns out “not respecting the space” just means yelling. So that is a little comforting.


(After swimming lessons during which she was messing around treading water and going under rather than listening to the teacher)

Me – (Beginning of lecture included how we don’t pay for swimming lessons for her not to listen, etc.) … Also I don’t like it when you’re messing around in the pool. The teacher’s can’t watch you all the time while they are helping kids so it’s like you are in the deep pool without a grownup. It makes me feel scared and stressed.

6 yo – I know how you feel. I’ve been scared of stuff since i was born.

Me – (um… tiny mom heart melt/break moment) What kinds of things are you scared of?

6 yo – Oh you know, snakes… you getting staples in your tummy when they take the baby out… you dying.

Me – Hmm. You know, those things scare me too.

6 yo – I thought grownups were never scared.

Me – Nope. Grownups are scared a lot. It’s normal to feel scared. But just because you’re scared doesn’t mean you can’t be brave. I will be brave when it’s time to get the baby out of my tummy, even if I’m a little scared.

6 yo – Can I have a snack?


6 yo – Mom, sometime can we sell lemonade?

Me – like a lemonade stand? Sure! I would love that!

6 yo – yeah! And we can also sell meat and cake!

Me – ……… Yeah….. That sounds great?


6 yo – You are a good mommy. You would never hurt me or… like… put soap in my mouth or anything like that.

Me – Actually, if I found out that you were saying bad words (like we just talked about this week) to your friends or at school I would probably put soap in your mouth.

6 yo – Oh. Does it taste bad?

Me – Yes.

6 yo – Do I have to swallow it? How much do you put in?

Me – I don’t know. I guess it depends on how I’m feeling at that moment. Since you’re the oldest you’re my experiment kid. (Wink at her so she knows I am teasing a little bit but she still takes it very seriously.)

6 yo – Oh. Well, I wouldn’t say those words anyway. And if I was at school and one of my friends was saying them, I would tell her that I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore.

Me – Hmm. You know, I do think it’s a good idea to speak up or do something if your friend is doing something that is wrong. However, I’m not sure that telling people you won’t be their friend anymore is really the best thing to do. If you stopped being friends with someone just because they made a mistake you wouldn’t have many friends. And also, being a good friend sometimes means forgiving people when they make mistakes. And maybe if it is someone who does things that you don’t like a lot, maybe you don’t want to be friends with that person, but we still don’t need to say “I’m not going to be your friend” we can just go play somewhere else, you know?

6 yo – Oh. (spends the next ten minutes naming all of her “Best Friend Forever”s. Then asks for snack.)


“You know, Alexis is a pretty good name…

…for a mom to come up with.”

-Alexis


6 yo – (yawns)

Grandma – Are you tired?

6 yo – no I’m just practicing. For when I have to yawn.


In the car:

Me: (to Husband) I probably need to get gas. It’s pretty low. But we can just do it after we are done at family outdoor club.

6 yo: Mom are we going to run out of gas?

Me: No. You don’t need to worry about stuff like that, ok? I’ll worry about the boring grown up stuff and you handle kid stuff. You have the rest of your life to worry about stuff like gas in the car. Although maybe by the time you’re older cars won’t even run on gas anymore.

6 yo: So they will run on song power?

Me: YES.

This Week’s Toddler Milestones


Here’s what we’ve learned this week:

1. How to operate the diaper pail AND how to use it to pick up all of our toys and make them disappear!

2. How to rally at nap time. This means even though we are yawning and falling asleep on mommy’s shoulder when we head for a nap, within fifteen minutes we will be jumping in our crib like it’s a circus trampoline. In this way, we can stay awake for HOURS.

3. We have also become a homing missile for cups with liquid in them. If there is a cup ANYWHERE in the room with liquid in it, we will find it and dump it out. It doesn’t help that big sister HAS to have a glass of water by her bed at night that is usually forgotten in the morning so EVERY SINGLE TIME we go in the bedroom to play we end up mopping up water. You would think we would learn after the third time this week but no. We just mopped up water again.Screen Shot 2016-07-22 at 10.58.48 AM

4. We have discovered that there are games on the top shelf of the toy cupboard. It doesn’t matter that there are a ton of toys down where we can reach them. We only want the toys on the TOP SHELF. Unfortunately, those toys are up there because they all have small pieces we can’t have.

5. We either have a cold or are in teething hell, because we have a nose that runs like a faucet and we have also started drooling, which is fun in itself but it’s also a neat combination with the snot. In addition to this fantastic new mess (or perhaps because of it), we have learned how to pick our nose. Yep.

6. We have learned how to run away from mom when we poop in our diaper.

7. We have, either from black magic or from the teething/cold combination, learned that we don’t have to go right to sleep at bedtime. Instead we can stay up and jump on our bed and hide our binkies in the hiding place behind that crib that is still fun to use even though mom knows about it now.

FullSizeRender (2)8. We finally, 3/4 of the way through summer, decided that water in pools is not the worst thing on earth. In fact, we will even climb right into the baby pool now, and can go to the water park without crying the whole time. This is a great milestone, even if it means pregnant mom can no longer relax in the shade next to the water table but instead must chase the toddler around the kiddie pool.

 

I have the rest of my life to look good! (Lol!!!)

 

Snot. On my shoulder.

Today it was one billion degrees outside. And I was pregnancy-swollen as usual.

A friend was offering her condolences at my third-trimester-in-this-weather condition and, after agreeing that pregnancy had certainly never been the most dignified period in my life, I said (and I quote), “I have the rest of my life to look good.”

And then we laughed and laughed and laughed.

And laughed.

(Mostly I laughed. But she laughed with me. Or laughed at how hard I was laughing. Either way.)

Because mom life sometimes means you are sitting at swimming lessons when you realize that, in addition to having that end-of-the-day worn out mom look, you have snot all over your shoulder from your teething toddler. To think that the end of pregnancy will be the end of my struggles to look like I showered this week or that I know what foundation is is comically delusional.

And you know what? That’s ok with me. I’ll take the puffiness if it means a beautiful, healthy baby girl. I’ll take the snot if it means a sweet toddler rested her head on my shoulder for a moment that day. I’ll take the circles under my eyes and the yoga pants covered in crumbs because they mean moments and memories and so much love. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Plus snot makes a way better story than having time to put on mascara does.

Shi_

  
Dear BrainQuest Workbook writers,

I’m sure you didn’t intentionally do this just to sabotage parents who can’t help but laugh when their kids unintentionally say curse words, so I feel like I should let you know that when you put “s h i _” and the choices are either “t” or “p”, it doesn’t matter if there if there is a picture of ship or not. My kid is going to sound out all the options. And I will laugh. BECAUSE IM HUMAN. And then she will laugh. 

So thanks for the phonics lesson.
UPDATE:

So if you happen to accidently teach your child the word “shit” during a phonics lesson, and then you happen to laugh at it and then laugh when she laughs and maybe laugh so hard that your mascara starts burning your eyes, and your child is watching you have a hysterical reaction to this word, I would recommend against having him or her complete a free write journal entry immediately after that. Especially if your child is already predisposed to being a goon and is tired enough that she is being a straight up goofball anyway. 

I probably should have seen it coming. 

  
UPDATE #2

For the record, we did have a conversation about how she is old enough to know what some of those words that are “bad” words are because I will trust that she is old enough to know when not to use them. We explained that they are not intelligent words and that she should instead use beautiful words that show the kind of person she is in her heart. 

Also that if I ever hear that she has used those words with friends or in school, etc. that she will get her mouth washed out with soap. 

Ah, parenting.