Real conversations I had with my 6 year old this week:
6 yo – These sausages taste like hot tub water.
Grandpa – Hot tub water?
6 yo – Yeah, you know. Hot tub water.
Grandpa – How do you know what hot tub water tastes like?
6 yo – (like this should be obvious) Haven’t you ever gone under water in a hot tub with your mouth open?
Grandpa – Um… NO. Have you?
6 yo – (again, as though this is obvious) Yes.
At the water park…
6 yo – I’m old enough to go down the water slides now except for the green one because it is way too fast and also it’s a tube so it’s dark in there and it’s SO dark that if the water splashes up in your face you can’t even do anything because it’s too dark to see where your face is.
Trying to explain what my external hard drive does to my six year old…
Me – So electronics only have so much space to store information, like pictures and videos. If you took a bunch of pictures on the iPad, pretty soon it would tell you that there is no more space and it wouldn’t let you take any more pictures until you moved some of them off the iPad to make more space…
6 yo – So I would just move them to the iCough.
Me – ….? To the what?
6 yo – The iCough.
Me- What is an iCough?
6 yo – That thing. (points at external hard drive)
Me – ….? Why is it called an iCough?
6 yo – I don’t know.
6 yo – Did you know that you can be bald and still have bangs?
Me – (blank stare) I guess I’m not sure how that would work.
6 yo – You just cut off all the rest of your hair except your bangs.
Me – ?
6 yo – What is that? (Points to the box that the garden hose rolls up into)
Me – It’s the hose
6 yo – (looks for a minute) I don’t see that as a hose. I see that as a box.
Me – touché.
6 yo – (chases toddler through living room full of toys)
Me – Child. What have I told you every single day about chasing your sister inside?
6 yo – (stops) (stares at me without blinking) You know what you said.
Me – (blank stare) YES I DO AND SO DO YOU.
6 yo – Well I need SOMETHING to chase.
Me – THEN GO OUTSIDE AND CHASE BUGS.
6 yo – I’m not doing that.
(Backstory: 6 yo decided that she wanted a shower for her Barbie house more than ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. She picked one out and so I told her that I would get it for her as her “new big sister” gift for when the baby came, but that that would mean she would have to wait until September to get it. She agreed. That was a a little over a week ago.)
6 yo – (Comes up from play room) (Loud sigh) My barbies really want to take a shower.
Me – (Already seeing where this is going) You know that isn’t going to work, right?
6 yo – Yeah.
6 yo – (Long pause)
6 yo – They just really want to take a shower.
Me – (blank stare)
6 yo – I don’t know what they should do.
Me – Me neither.
6 yo – (losing patience with me) YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT MY BARBIES. THEY HAVEN’T SHOWERED IN YEARS.