If you had asked me when I started this blogging journey why I was doing it or what I had hoped to gain from it, I’m not even sure what I would have told you. I mean, at the time I knew why I was doing it. But frankly, that was so long ago and I’m a completely different person/mother/writer than I was back then. So whatever that chick’s reasons were have now become a mystery to me.
In fact, if you have asked me a year ago, I think my “why” of doing this would have been different than it is today.
Sometimes, this constant state of change is infuriating.
I sit down and I think hard about why I do this and I think I figure it out. I feel inspired and I write and I do things. And then life keeps on doing what it does and little by little I learn and grow and change–and the things and people I write about learn and grow and change–and pretty soon everything has changed. And when that happens, suddenly my “why” of writing and blogging doesn’t apply anymore. So I go through a little mini crisis where I abandon the blog and then it keeps nagging me and I come back to it and I think about why I do this and I create a whole new “why” and I feel refreshed… and the whole darn cycle starts again.
There’s also the fact that the “experts” say that in order for my blog to be “successful” I need to pick a target, pick an audience, and stick with it. That’s hard when you’ve strapped your target to a moving vehicle.
But, as infuriating as change can be, it’s the reality we live in, both in writing and in life. When I had my first child, I panicked. Bringing home this baby Changed. Our. Life. It was terrifying. And I had to adjust to a whole new “why”. Before long I did and everything was great. I could handle life with a baby.
But then she turned into a toddler. And everything changed again.
And then she went to preschool. And Kindergarten.
And then her little sister came along and we had to adjust to two. And then another little sister made three.
Change. Change. Change. Every time I think I get it figured out. It changes again.
It would be awesome if I could just stay in one place long enough to figure it out completely, to really feel like I knew what I was doing, either in writing or in life.
But that’s not how this works.
So here I am again, trying yet again to find a balance in writing and in life. Reassessing where I am and where I’m headed. Figuring it all out as I go.
Thanks for being on this crazy journey with me.