Wednesdays are the worst.
Not always, just lately. They used to be the best. It was family movie night. Lexi has gymnastics Wednesday afternoons, so we would get home around 6 p.m. and the husband would have pizza ready. We’d take her bath early and get pajamas on and snuggle on the couch and watch a movie. The treat after pizza was always warm, freshly-made butterscotch pudding with melted chocolate chips in the bottom.
Then baby Harper arrived. Bedtime routine changes a LOT when you have twice as many kids to bath and put down. Add in the time it takes to pump and feed a baby. Now consider that the baby will be fussy from being overstimulated while waiting at gymnastics. Also, all these new tasks need to still be completed in the same time frame as before the arrival of the second child so that the first child can be in bed by her scheduled bedtime. Did I forget to mention all of this is being carried out by now sleep deprived parents?
I consider myself a very efficient person. I schedule things down to the minute and hate being late. I make lists and organize my day in order to get things done in the most efficient way possible. I am often in danger of sounding more like a drill sergeant than a mom…something I’m working to change. Kids’ bedtimes follow a regular schedule, for the sanity of everyone involved. So every Wednesday, I worked harder to make the evening flow more smoothly by attempting to maximize our efficiency. But after several weeks in a row of struggling to even sit down long enough to catch the last fifteen minutes of the movie and constantly being stressed trying to give equal attention to both girls, I finally admitted something needed to change.
I read once that sometimes the thing you really need to do is the opposite of what makes sense. For example: when you have a lot of things to accomplish, rather than speed up and work more efficiently, you actually need to slow down. In today’s fast-paced society that places such a high value on efficiency and productivity, the idea sounds absurd. But there’s also a growing trend toward slowing down, letting go, being more intentional, and stressing less.
Sounds good to me.
So yesterday I tried the new approach. We relaxed about bed time so we relaxed about what time the movie got started. I gave kids a bath, I pumped, I got the pizza dished out and cut up and the bottle ready. And then, once everyone was ready to sit down and eat, we turned on the movie.
Did it go perfectly? No. The baby still fussed and my husband had to go rock her in the other room for a while. The four year old got emotional after bed time came and went.
The situation and circumstances didn’t necessarily improve. But I did. I didn’t “drill sergeant” anyone, I didn’t miss the majority of the movie while pumping in the other room. I took turns comforting the baby, and when I wasn’t doing that I was snuggling the four year old. Everything still got done, but I was more present in the doing. More importantly, I was more present with my kids. Were they still crabby after a busy day? Yes. But instead of having a dictator scheduling their entire evening (even if it was with the best intentions of creating a smooth transition to an early bedtime), they had their mom to hold them when they were worn out.
I’d say, in that way, slowing down turned out better than I could have expected.